


Evidence of You

by Eternal_Miss_Dorough



Category: Backstreet Boys
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 14:41:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29437710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eternal_Miss_Dorough/pseuds/Eternal_Miss_Dorough
Summary: Inspired by Howie's unreleased song Evidence of You ^_^
Relationships: Howie Dorough/Original Female Character
Kudos: 1





	Evidence of You

Howie had been making his rounds throughout his house, cleaning and straightening things up as he went, and he picked up the throw blanket he had left in a messy wad on the couch and folded it into quarters and laid it across the back of the couch where it goes, straightened up the throw pillows that had been buried under the blanket, then turned his attention to the papers, magazines and bills he had thrown on the coffee table the past couple months, separating them and stacking into piles to organize them and put them away where they belong. He continued until his eyes fell on a sketch book he recognized and immediately felt hot tears sting his eyes then fall down his cheeks. Opening the sketch book to the last drawing ever done in it, he collapsed onto the couch and broke down, shaking from his sobbing. Through his tears, he softly caressed the drawing, the angel in particular from her dark chocolate bob down to the bottom of her flowing dress as well as her wings that were wrapped around him, as were her arms. "Wh-Why d-did y-you have to g-go?", he choked between sobs as his hand that was caressing the angel clenched into a fist as his last memory of her came flooding back to him. 

Before he started dating someone, he realized he had feelings for Lisa, who he had taken in to live with him after her mother had been diagnosed with a fatal illness that took her life, but never acted on them because she was underage at the time at just 14. She had lved with him since the age of 10, with him becoming her guardian and he had devoted his time to her since then, always coming straight home to her after tours to spend time together as she really only had him as a friend, a best friend actually. He started falling in love with her while on the Into the Millennium tour in 1999 even though they have 13 year age gap between them, and at first he tried to deny his feelings because of that, but couldnt stop thinking of her and how she had grown from a child into a young woman. His heart would be pounding against his chest as if it were going to pound it's way out, butterflies filled his stomach swirling all around, his hands would be super clammy and sweaty, and he would stutter when he spoke, or be completely unable to find his voice if not both at once everytime he thought of her or talked to her over the phone, and especially when he was around her. He failed at denying his feelings horribly as he would find himself so torn about them he'd end up an emotional mess. He knew a relationship other than friendship with her would cause a lot of trouble, especially with the media, being the only thing that helped him hide his feelings for her, to protect the both of them, especially her. It hurt so bad, but why, if it was the right thing to do? 

As the time went by, Howie fell in love with her more and more and it was killing him. He'd often cry himself to sleep after she had fallen asleep and he would find himself watching her sleep as he checked on her in the middle of the night, kissing her cheek, tempted to take her lips within his, but he held back, swallowing the huge lump in his throat. What had made it hurt as much as it did was, he discovered she felt the same about him, but she didn't ever realize he knew, nor did he ever make it known he knew. Unbeknowsnt to him though, she knew he had feelings for her as she could feel his love for her, but she didn't let him know she knew, but not the extent of his feelings until he started dating someone not long after her 14th birthday, and he seemed to be happy until she noticed the way he'd look at her longingly when he'd be with his girlfriend, and then how happy he would be with when it was just him and her spending time together like they always had since he took her in 4 years ago. That was when she knew he had feelings for her and was not acting on them because of her age for one, and two because he now had a girlfriend and wasn't one to cheat. 

Howie realized she knew, and didn't try to deny it. In fact, he came clean one day and told her he had fallen in love with her, so she'd at least know, and he had been in a battle with his feelings for her. She hugged him and reassured him they were still friends and would always will be, and just maybe when she is of age, it might be something more, who knows. She kissed his cheek and in that instant, Howie broke down in her arms as she held him, not wanting to leave her embrace. He was happy to have her as a best friend, and happy she feels the same way, but at the same time, he was terrified of losing her and he wound up hysterically crying until he fell asleep on her chest, to the sound of her heartbeat as she rubbed his back. 

One day when he was on tour, and she had just got home from school, Lisa had thought long and hard,about how hard it was to love him from a distance, longing for him, seeing the sad, longing look in his eyes when he'd look up to meet her eyes, and seeing how much Howie was hurting, between his feelings for her and his supposedly happy relationship with his girlfriend that she had no idea was anything but happy, though she did have a gut feeling, she decided that because she loves him so much, she would do the most hardest thing she'd ever do in her life- let him go so he can be happy, even though if it means not with her, thinking just maybe, her gut feeling may be wrong, as not all gut feelings are correct, but felt she was doing the right thing. She packed her things, and had left little things behind like her sketch book under the pile of papers, magazines and bills on the coffee table, her favorite pink teddy bear on his bed, her towel with the smell of her cherry blossom body wash left on it on the towel rack in the master bathroom, the same scent also in his bed from their cuddle sessions before all of this, her picture she left of the two of them in a frame on his bedside table, his t-shirt she used to wear in his dresser and though it was washed, it still had the scent of her cherry blossom perfume on it that matched her bodywash, as well as a tube of lipstick left in the drawer of his bathroom counter among other things she had left around the house, then the final thing was a letter she wrote him and left on the kitchen counter. 

When Howie had come home later that evening for a break from touring, around 8pm, and noticed Lisa didn't come to greet him with a hug and a kiss on the cheek as she always did. He assumed at first she fell asleep waiting for him either on the couch or in his bed and he checked the couch first and she wasn't there, then went and checked his room only to find his bed empty, except her favorite pink teddy sitting there at the head of the bed on the pillows. He looked in his bathroom thinking maybe she was either on the toilet, in the shower or the tub, but his bathroom was empty as well. He then started calling out to her, looking through his house for her until he came to the kitchen and his eyes landed on the letter on the counter. He picked it up and began to read it: 

"Howie,  
I'm sorry you're finding out just now, but I love you. I'm in love with you too. Always have been, always will be so NEVER EVER forget that, and I love you so much so, that I'm letting you go so you can be happy, even if not with me. All I want is your happiness, so I accept your relationship with your girlfriend. I'm leaving so I won't be any trouble, or ever the reason should you break up with her. I couldn't bear the thought. You mean so much to me, and I could never imagine my life without you, but for now, this is for the best, even though this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do, for both of us. You'll always hold a special place in my heart until the end of time, I promise you that. You've been the best thing to ever happen to me and i don't know how to thank you for all that you've done for me, including loving me, the way I love you. But remember the promise, okay? I'm so sorry... I just thought this is for the best. Never forget. With all my love, Lisa 

Howie had been softly sobbing and sniffling while reading the letter and when he finsihed, he let out a loud sob as his hands and body shook, still holding the letter as he fell to his knees, completely breaking down, crying out her name, begging her to come back at the top of his lungs, but knew she wasn't there to hear him. Holding the letter to his chest now, as his tears fell on to it, mixing with hers that had fallen on it as she had wrote it, he felt as if his heart has been ripped from his chest, and shattered beyond repair, the gut wrenching sobs had kept coming one after the other. He had stayed like that well into the early morning hours until  
soft, nearly quiet sobs were coming from him. It was dark now so he really couldn't see anything and didn't have the energy or will to move, but reluctantly and slowly pulled himself up to his feet and slowly padded to his room where he walked to his bed, saw Lisa's pink teddy bear sitting there and the tears came flooding back as he collapsed onto his bed, pulling the bear to his chest where he still held the letter and cried himself to sleep. 

Over the next several months, Howie kept finding the little things she left behind, and each time, he'd break down. He spent lot of time in his bed as he had found her scent there, and when he'd get out of the shower, he'd sit on the cold tile flood, naked with just his towel on and would cry into her towel which also still had her scent. When a certain song would come on the radio- How Do I Live by Leann Rimes at the time, when he'd attempt to clear his mind, he'd think of the last time he held her, before having a huge argument with his girlfriend when she caught them though they'd always had cuddled even as friends. He would have to shut the radio off as he broke down once again, unable to keep listening. He also realized her fingerprints were all over everything.... so when he touched something he knew she had touched, he swore he could feel her hugging him or rubbing his back, and he longed for that touch again so much. 

He was such a mess, he refused to go back on tour, and only told the guys he needs time, but not why, hoping they could hear it in his voice that he really did need time to get over this, but he knew he never would. That resulted in him breaking up with his girlfriend who bitch slapped him HARD across the face and call him a cradle robber after she caught him crying over Lisa. He cried out from the slap, but did not turn his head back around after it had been jerked to the side from the force of the slap, and instead, let his tears that had welled up fall as he silently sobbed, standing ther as his now ex packed her stuff and left. Once he heard the front door close, he allowed himself to fall to his knees, and cry his shattered heart out. 

Howie had tried to move on, but he just couldn't. He was incomplete without Lisa and was incosolable, had been from the start. He stopped eating as his hunger just wasn't there, just pain, torturing pain that ripped at his already shattered heart. He could no longer handle finding the little pieces she left behind, having been sleeping on his couch, unable to take smelling her scent in his bed as it just hurt too damn much and he wanted to stop crying, but would still have his moments, as he was having one now. He had become a depressed shell of his former self and wished he could go back to his former self, but without Lisa, there was no way he could. When he wasn't crying, he was moping, holding back his tears, until he no longer could, or he'd find himself in his home studio wiriting songs for her, inspired by her to try to help himself heal, or he'd stare blankly out of his balcony windows, while holding her teddy bear to his chest, having refused to let it go since the beginning. It was the only thing giving him very little comfort if any at all. 

Sobbing loudly, Howie blinked away his tears and looked at the drawing in the sketchbook again. "P-Pl-Please... co-come back to me.... Pl-please....", he choked out barely above a whisper as he laid on the couch, now holding the sketch book and her teddy bear both to his chest. "I c-can't seem t-to remove a-all the ev-evidence of you...", he added. 

Little did he know, Lisa had been coming by, but made sure he didn't see her. She'd come at night when he'd be asleep and would sit at his front door for a little bit, or if she came during the day, she would be down at the beach down the hill behind his house. She would cry, longing for him just as much as he longed for her, but continued to stay away until she could no longer, nor deny her feelings for him. She walked up to the front door while Howie was having a moment on the couch, and let herself in with the extra key he had given her, having kept it all that time as something to remember him by, and Howie had assumed it was probably just the guys again to remind him to pay his bills and didn't make an effort to move. He just laid there silently sobbing. Lisa, her own tears falling, quietly walked to the the living room and up behind the couch where she looked down and saw Howie crying while hugging her bear and sketch book. She reached down and brushed a strand of his silky soft brown hair away from his tear soaked and stained face, placing it behind his ear, and Howie sat up still assuing it was one of the guys as they would do that. Lisa smiled through her tears, and leaned down, wrapping her arms around him, as well as her angel wings she was wearing, with a very similarly flowy dress and that action caused Howie to open his eyes and see big white feathery wings surrounding him, and recognized the arms holding him as he looked up at her. "Lisa!", he gasped out through his tears and jumped up, running around the couch and into her arms he took her in his, hugging her properly. "Y-You came back! You came back!" he cried on her shoulder he had buried his face in, happy tears this time. Lisa returned the embrace hoding him just as close and tight as he was holding her, and cried on his chest before raising her head so her lips were by his ear. "Of course I did... I love you. I couldn't stay away anymore and let you hurt. I missed you." she replied. "I've missed you too... you have no idea how much.." , Howie said through his tears. He knew then, since she came back to him, it was meant to be. He stepped back finally to take a good look at her, noticing she was dressed just like in the drawing. "Oh, Sweetie...", Howie breathed. Lisa smiled. "I wanted my return to be special.", she replied, then captured his lips within hers, not caring anymore what his girlfriend thought, assuming they were still together and Howie had read her mind, and she kissed him with so much passion, so much electricity, so much fire, so much love that Howie felt it, and returned the kiss, exactly the same. She had one hand wrapped around the back of his head, her fingers finding comfort within his silky strands of chocolate, and her other hand was caressing his face so softly, while Howie kept one arm around her waist, and his other hand was caressing her face just as softly, cupping her cheek. 

When they pulled apart for air with a gasp, they couldn't help smiling at one another. "I broke up with her." Howie said. Lisa just smiled and kissed him again, which he returned, smiling into the kiss.


End file.
